A lot of us love a surprise. Receiving a thing or two from someone makes us how important we are to them. Often, you feel elated and you show your appreciation in the simplest way by saying thank you. To show how appreciative you are of the kind gesture, you return the favor by giving them a gift as well.
How you should react when someone doesn’t appreciate your gift
In an ideal setting, that is how it should be. But sad to say, it’s not like that often. There are just some of those times when someone doesn’t appreciate your gift and I understand it’s not really a joyful experience. But how should you react? Does being angry and not talking to them be justifiable?
Let us try to dig deeper into how you should react when, after exerting much effort and time, someone doesn’t appreciate your gift. If you’re ready, let’s start.
When someone doesn’t appreciate your gift, you should . . . . . .
Be calm and try to approach it in a more holistic way
I admit it’s so easy to just flare up and give in to your emotions like: The nerve of that guy/girl, is that what this all about? If she wants it, I’ll give it to her. Hold it, breath, and calm yourself down. Giving in to what you feel at that moment will not help make the situation better.
Why not ask yourself first, did she/he receive what I gave him/her? Remember, haste makes waste. Yes, I understand how you feel because it’s not only you who have experienced that one. I can very well relate to that because I have also experienced that one as well, and I’m telling you, it does suck! It usually leaves a bitter taste.
Hold your peace right there, my friend, and compose yourself and go to her directly and ask the person, did you receive what I gave you? Don’t you think it’s a much better response than I’m not talking to her again!?
There are several facets of truth, your side, their side, and the truth. You might think I gave her something, and she doesn’t even care to budge or say something, but have you checked if she had received your gift? You might assume something and what happens differs from what you are thinking. Don’t commit that dreaded mistake of not knowing the entire truth. In case of doubt, always find time to ask.
What if that person actually received it, but is not appreciative of my kind gesture?
Let me first acknowledge it. It sucks. It really does. But again, it’s no reason to go nuclear. Remember, we all come from different backgrounds. We have different parents and we’re not trained on the same upbringing. So, for a rude awakening, and to spare you of all the emotional troubles, don’t expect people to be thanking you when doing something good for them like giving them gifts.
I know you’ll be like: What? How’s that a solution!? If you come to think of it, most heartaches we feel it’s because we have this notion that when we do good things to someone, they should also do the favor. In an ideal world, that’s how it is supposed to work. But like what I’ve said, we came from different backgrounds and upbringing, so please, so to spare you from emotional ruins, you need to shift your thinking to not expect to be done the same way in return.
If they do not give you due importance, it’s not really going to ruin your reputation. If you think of it, it would actually make you shine more because people see you as someone who has integrity and who always takes the high road. Good things are always people with very high moral standards.
Rather than going ballistic every time someone does you wrong, always put this in your mind and in your very essence. I’m doing this because this is the right thing to do. If that person doesn’t seem appreciative of your kind gesture, I would advise you to keep on showing her or his love because it may be what they need and if you stop giving it to them, then who else will?
Being nice to people even to those who are not lovable, always reap good returns
Investing emotion in people would sometimes take us to whirlwind experiences. By now, you are now equipped with that knowledge that people are different, others would take only a smile and they would open up to you, and there are those that are a tough nut to crack. But despite it all, they all deserve your affection.
This is the true story of one of my close confidantes. Everyone knows me as this cheerful and easy to approach the person. I guess I’m embedded with that personality that I love to make people happy. I never enjoy offending people, no matter how trivial or small it may seem. Like everybody else, I love jokes and I love a good laugh, but it’s never my thing to hurt people’s feelings. I despise and abhor that kind of thing.
Going back to my story, I have a friend, and she is actually one of my closest ones. But we didn’t start this way. We are the exact opposite. I’m the outgoing, cheerful, and easy-to-get-along type of person, while she is the reserved, silent, and aloof type. So on paper, we’re not the perfect fit as far as friendship goes.
This is how it all began
People would always ask me, how did you become friends with her? You’re not actually a fit for each other. I guess we may not seem like a perfect fit, but we complement each other’s personalities well. Her passive and more reserved ways fit perfectly with my outgoing and active personality.
To continue with the rest of my story. We had this mini special gift-giving event in our department. It’s not really like Christmas or Thanksgiving, it’s more of a sudden gift-giving event out of nowhere type. We wrote our names on paper and roll them and put it in a jar. Everyone gets their rolled paper and is excited and just giggling and can’t contain their happiness.
It was not set up formally. No elaborate program or whatever, you just put your gift on the table, you write to whom it is for and it was supposed to give everyone a good time. Everyone picked their gifts and was ecstatic to find who picked their name on that rolled paper. After a few moments, the giver revealed themselves to their recipients and everyone had a good time and continued the fun times in some bar to have a few drinks after office hours.
While me, it left me a bit astonished as nobody approached to thank me. My office mates were ecstatic when their recipients approach them and shared a few laughs and selfies, while I was just, how about me, who am I to share this moment with? While I was counting the lucky pairs, it came to you know who.
It became awkward because everyone knows her as the silent and aloof one, and I’m like I don’t want to encroach her space but I need to hear her say Thank you, The day ended with me frustrated because I didn’t even receive even a lame thank you note.
You’re going to get it, I’m telling you . . .
Well, I’m not really the person I am today during that time. You just have a few minutes to say something to me. I said to myself. I hurried to the bathroom to hype myself up before I am to make my move, fixed myself, and took a deep breath but went I was about to approach her, she was no longer there and I just found out she was already headed home.
So I ended up going to the after office party feeling a little disappointed, but I didn’t show it to my office mates. While they were having a great time, I was there pretending the entire night. I went home later that night feeling that I deserve something. I haven’t slept well that night and I woke up feeling a little heavy.
I came to the office feeling a little cranky and wearing a fake smile. I saw her staying tucked in her little tight spot doing her thing and not seem not interested in me. Lots of thoughts storm in my sleepy head while I’m trying hard to look cool, composed, and fine, so I won’t be making a scene because it’s not technically my thing.
As I advanced toward her desk, something paused me in my tracks. She was standing facing in my direction in her usual stony stare. She then drifts towards me just like a scene in the movie where everything just stops and I was bracing myself for whatever is next to happen. And in that sudden twist of events, she handed a pink sheet of paper that is so fragrant and she passed me and went out her way.
I went to the bathroom, sat nicely on my favorite spot, which is the farthest bowl away from the main bathroom door. I unfolded the pink fragrant paper, and I was so shocked by her perfectly calligraphic handwritten message that forever changed my outlook on life.
I was so ashamed of myself because I thought I was this all good and stuff
I’m so sorry I tried approaching you yesterday, but when I was about to approach you, I got tongue-tied. I had been this way since grade school because I used to wear glasses and braces that I got teased for it.
So to not get hurt much, I stay away from everyone, hoping I won’t land on their radar. I saw you looking at me several times yesterday but I just kept on doing what I do best, and that is being invisible and hope nobody bothers me because I am quite shy when I’m surrounded by people who have personalities like you.
I don’t mean to offend you, but I’m not really a people person. Thank you for the gift you gave me. I wore it immediately as soon as I arrived home after work.
I was so ashamed of myself. I was thinking of terrible things just because she didn’t bother to say thank you. Every time I’m reminded of that incident, I always feel that someone drizzled a glass of cold water on me.
So for damage control, I ordered several boxes of pizza, everyone enjoys a few slices and I took a small box to my new friend and told her what I was thinking the day before, and we shared a few laughs about it and since then we became inseparable.
Sometimes you just need to take a step back and look at things from a different perspective
I’ve learned something valuable that day, which I continue to appreciate until this very day. I have realized why people often behave in such a way because they went through some horrible experiences before. As I’ve mentioned a few moments ago, we have different circumstances.
My parents always taught us to be grateful for every good thing people do to us. Unlike my friend, nobody teased me heavily during my younger days because I was quite a star. I was the kid that everyone likes to be around. I lead my small groups in selling cookies to help with a cause.
I was into different activities that put me in the school spotlight most of the time. So technically, it’s hard for me to relate how it is to be left in a corner or be ignored because I wasn’t cool enough. Having that emotional roller coaster encounter with my friend opened a new perspective in my life.
A mug and shirt completely change how I look at people
Some time ago, while I was heading to a retreat in some mountain resort. Something unexpectedly caught me in traffic. There was a road repair that caused cars to line up in a single pile, so traffic was quite slow. While waiting for my turn to run at full speed, there were these people who were selling mugs and a shirt with a print on them.
When it was my turn to get my car’s window knocked, a smiling volunteer greeted me with a hi, would you like to help us spread the love? It got me intrigued and playfully asked How? He then showed me a mug and a shirt with the message LOVE THEM EVEN THE UNLOVABLE. It then brings me back to that encounter with my friend.
I forgot how much it cost but I ended up buying several pieces of shirts and mugs which I gave to my friends. Most often, we are quick to judge that someone is like this or like that without even thinking or asking Why? Giving is such a wonderful act. Everyone loves a gift, but not everyone can appreciate it because of some circumstances.
Not everyone may show gratitude because . . .
Just because you love something, it would automatically mean everyone feels the same way you do. You gave something and then your friend didn’t seem appreciative of it because it might be:
- They find your gift uninteresting to them. It may seem a random a usual thing for them to receive gifts that could be a reason you find them unappreciative. If it happens, just take it down nicely and remember the message in the mug and shirt and that says, Love them even the unlovable.
- You may not realize it, your gift may be a little offending. Remember, we came from a unique background and with a distinct set of customs and norms. What may seem okay and harmless to us may feel a little different to others. So if this is the case, we need to tone down and try understanding their ways. A little sensitivity may help us win friends like I did.
- They’re a little shy. You don’t need to ask, why should they be shy? What is it to be ashamed of? Just stop! Note everyone is like you. There are some who’s not used to surprises, so when they encounter something like that, they find it hard to react. They shy away from you because they are afraid they will end up being awkward. Few people are flexible like you and being caught in a comprising spot is something few people find it hard to swallow. Just be a little understanding of their plight because sometimes, relationship is more important than our ego and pride.
- It may sound absurd to you, but it might be something which is against their values. Please find a spot to understand this deep in your heart. Not everyone has the same mindset and upbringing as you. What you may see now may not reflect of what took place during the time past. Remember my friend’s uncanny lesson that made my eyes open? She was experiencing a lot of bullying growing up so that what made her aloof and alone. It teachers her to be on her toes because she doesn’t want to get hurt if she gets careless and opens up. Just open yourself up to a different perspective and I’m sure you’ll end up winning a loyal legion of friends that will have your back through thick and thin. Trust me, I’ve been there.
I hope I could share a few things or two with you. How about you tell me also some of your unforgettable experiences? Maybe we’re not really different after all. Please share your views or write me a comment if you find my experience relates to your experiences because I would love to be friends with everyone.
So how you should react when someone doesn’t appreciate your gift? The simple answer is to trust your gut and your instincts and try looking at the situation from their perspective and, in doing so, you won’t get offended. Trust me, I know.